Dad Jokes

To start a zoo, you need at least one polar bear, one grizzly, and a panda .....

That's the BEAR minimum.....

Rickochet Old bull and young bull were on a hillside grazing. Young bull says, "How about we run down to the pasture and screw us a couple of cows?" Old bull slowly raises his head and replies, "How about we walk down and screw 'em all."

an oldie but a goodie.

I haven't talked to my wife in seven years.

I don't want to interrupt her.

Found out that my kids were on ebay all day today.

If they are still there tomorrow I guess i'll just give them away.

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.......

Are you a scratch golfer? I know I am because every time I hit the ball, I scratch my head wondering where on Earth it went.

What do you call an illegally parked frog?

Toad

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?

The Wok

I told the contractor I didn't want carpet on my steps. He gave me a blank stair.

My friend David had his ID stolen.

Now we have to call him Dav.

I try to say “mucho” when I’m around my Hispanic friends.

It means a lot to them.

Can't stand the elevator music.
It is bad on so many levels.

Scientists got tired of watching the earth turn. So after 24 hours, they called it a day.

There are 3 types of people in this world: those who can count, and those that cannot.

Par4QC correct, they are listed as groups A, 2, & D.

I was washing the car with my son the other day. He said, 'Dad, can't you just use a sponge?'

Penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender..."was my brother in earlier?" Bartender asks..."what does he look like?"