Study groups have proven that if you can't sleep at night, you are awake.
Dad Jokes
Did you hear about the poor Amish girl who got kicked out of the commune?
- Yeah, too many Mennonite.
I am so hesitant to ask my wife to clean up after she makes breakfast... i've been walking around on eggshells all morning.
- Edited
"that guy is such a dick, if he took a Viagra, he'd just get taller" (maybe not a Dad joke)
10 days later
I don't usually tell dad jokes, but when I do..... he never laughs.
To start a zoo, you need at least one polar bear, one grizzly, and a panda .....
That's the BEAR minimum.....
I haven't talked to my wife in seven years.
I don't want to interrupt her.
19 days later
Found out that my kids were on ebay all day today.
If they are still there tomorrow I guess i'll just give them away.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 8 9.......
Are you a scratch golfer? I know I am because every time I hit the ball, I scratch my head wondering where on Earth it went.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad
What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?
The Wok
8 days later
I told the contractor I didn't want carpet on my steps. He gave me a blank stair.