Dad Jokes

pike51 · 2023-08-22T19:13:17+00:00

Simple enough... just share your best dad jokes. 1 joke per post. I'll start: I'm afraid for the calendar... It's days are numbered.

Are you a scratch golfer? I know I am because every time I hit the ball, I scratch my head wondering where on Earth it went.

What do you call an illegally parked frog?

Toad

What do you call an Asian Dwayne Johnson?

The Wok

I told the contractor I didn't want carpet on my steps. He gave me a blank stair.

My friend David had his ID stolen.

Now we have to call him Dav.

I try to say “mucho” when I’m around my Hispanic friends.

It means a lot to them.

Can't stand the elevator music.
It is bad on so many levels.

Scientists got tired of watching the earth turn. So after 24 hours, they called it a day.

There are 3 types of people in this world: those who can count, and those that cannot.

Par4QC correct, they are listed as groups A, 2, & D.

I was washing the car with my son the other day. He said, 'Dad, can't you just use a sponge?'

Penguin walks into a bar and asks the bartender..."was my brother in earlier?" Bartender asks..."what does he look like?"

Did you know that if you sneeze and fart at the same time, the body takes a screenshot?

A friend recently quit his job at the erectile dysfunctional clinic.

He said he hadn't gotten a raise in years.

I told my wife to embrace her mistakes... so she gave me a hug.

My paraplegic girlfriend decided to dump me last night, so I stole her wheelchair.

Guess who came crawling back to me this morning...

Just heard that the company that makes yardsticks won't be making them any longer.

One of the worst pieces of advice I ever received was that if I get a vasectomy it'll keep my wife from getting pregnant.

I've discovered that's not true. All it does is change the color of the baby's skin.

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