Dad Jokes

pike51 · 2023-08-22T19:13:17+00:00

Simple enough... just share your best dad jokes. 1 joke per post. I'll start: I'm afraid for the calendar... It's days are numbered.

rsvman2

Somebody asked me to name two structures that hold water.

I was like 'well, dam!'

PA-PLAYA

I’m thinking about getting a pet termite and calling him Clint.

Clint Eatswood.

PA-PLAYA

I can’t believe the local gas station charged me $2 to put air in my tires.

I asked the manager about it and he said it was due to the cost of inflation.

PA-PLAYA

My father always said, "make the little things count."

He's inspired me to become a math tutor for midgets.

rsvman2

I lost three of my fingers in an accident. I asked my doctor if I would be able to write with it. He said 'Probably, but don't count on it. '

azgreg

What has two butts and kills people

An assassin.

Spuzz

When my friend who worked at the mint factory filed for divorce, his wife went absolutely menthol.

azgreg

To the handicapped guy who stole my bag.

You can hide but you can't run.

azgreg

The opposite of Microsoft Office is Macrohard Onfire.

Par4QC

The closest bar to me is a 5 minute walk.
Going home it's 45 minutes.

The difference is staggering.

azgreg

Police confirmed that the person who fell from the 18th floor nightclub was not a bouncer.

Eguller

azgreg

Star Wars was the first film to ban smoking on set.

The cast was still allowed to Chewbacca.

Spuzz

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a bicycle and a well dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.

azgreg

sdandrea1

azgreg

😂😂😂😂😂

azgreg

mulegolf

Marriage is like a deck of cards…
At first, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
Later, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
................................................................................................................
I asked my wife if I was the only one she’s been with…
She said, “Yes, all the others were at least sevens.”
...............................................................................................................
I asked my wife what she wanted for her birthday…
She said, “Nothing would make me happier than a diamond.”
So I got her nothing.

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