NEWS IN BRIEF
U.S. Mint Introduces New Seven-Cent Coin To Bolster Citizens’ Math Skills
WASHINGTON—Explaining they were excited to “kick things up a notch,” officials from the U.S. Mint announced Friday a new seven-cent coin to bolster citizens’ math skills. “Let’s face it, we made it way too easy the first time,” said U.S. Mint Director David J. Ryder, who shared the bureau’s hopes that the new denomination, which would be called a ‘septi,’ would provide a greater challenge. “The nation has lagged behind other countries in terms of core addition, subtraction, and multiplication skills for years, but it’s not because we’re ‘stupid’ or bad at math—we just need a little practice. It’ll just require a little more focus next time you’re doing laundry or buying groceries. We believe in you guys. And don’t use a calculator, that just defeats the whole purpose.” At press time, Ryder added the U.S. Mint would also be introducing a new irrational number dollar bill next year, valued at the square root of 5, to help citizens brush up on their algebra.