• The Clubhouse

  • Ettiquette for a friend announcing they're on hospice?

  • Yipsy

    • Post #1
    • Edited

    A friend of mine from my old high school days updated their status yesterday saying they were making the announcement they'd been dreading to make. Hospice.

    I shared the update with friends and I was asked if I had personally reached out?

    All I've done is written a comment on CaringBridge.

    What should I do? Reach out via phone, text, email? Or, let it settle? I don't think my friend has much time left. Timeline wasn't revealed but I'm guessing weeks and maybe months at most.

    We were close back in the day but haven't seen each other in years. We've been in touch and prayed for another friend a few nights before he was taken off life-support a few months ago.

    I feel rude if I don't. Pushy if I do. I can't imagine what announcing you're going on hospice feels like. I've never met anyone who defined what living life was all about more than her. It just sucks knowning people you love are facing something like this.

      Yipsy Oh, boy. Sorry that you're going through this. I know that you're having your own issues right now.
      I don't think I would know how I would (will) react until I'm in that position, but I would feel that I would visit and support somehow. Sometimes just showing up or being available is support enough.

          backinit

          Thanks, @backinit

          This poor soul lost her cousin to lung cancer late 2024. I was a friend of her cousin's too since she was a little girl.

          I know her cousin's passing rocked her and now it is her turn. Doesn't seem fair.

            Yipsy

            If I could do it in person, I would. I’m sure this friend would feel great comfort in a personal visit. I missed out on seeing of one my friends dads cause I thought I had time. I wish I could’ve told him how I felt about him and said goodbye while looking at him.

                Definitely reach out. Offer empathy and support. IMHO.

                You should reach out in someway. If he is still able to respond by text or on the phone, that would be nice. As far as Hospice goes, especially if he goes to a facility, you must visit early. As one said earlier, it can become a time very quickly that it will be too late and only close family should be around him.

                • Yipsy

                  • Post #9

                  colej

                  I wish I could. Distance is a major issue. It would be only phone or text If it's just text, I've already done written word via her webpage.

                  She's been fighting cancer for a long time. She was cancer-free for a couple of years and then it returned with a vengeance. She's had the best of the best care. Her husband once rang the bell on Wall Street. The fact she was well enough to write her own update and not her husband makes me feel like she might be able to take a call or text. I just don't know the flood of visitors she's seeing in person.

                  My wife is telling me people can be on hospice for years. I had another friend who told me he had years to live went on hospice and lasted a few months.

                  I just know that it had to be really bad for her to end her fight. She's been yo yoing back and forth between home and the hospital for awhile now and every time she updates her page, I'm always bracing for what she just shared. I was just happy it wasn't her husband saying she'd passed on.

                  Thank you for the advice. I think I will try reaching out via phone either text or call tomorrow.

                      Yipsy Thank you for the advice. I think I will try reaching out via phone either text or call tomorrow.

                      🙏👍

                        Yipsy A friend of mine from my old high school days updated their status yesterday saying they were making the announcement they'd been dreading to make. Hospice.

                        I don't know that I have ever heard of someone announcing that they are in hospice. Kind of odd.

                            Pick up the phone. Nobody is ever upset to hear from a friend, especially in a time of question. You don’t have to know what to say, just say hello and that you are thinking of her.

                            • Yipsy

                              • Post #13
                              • Edited

                              Rickochet

                              This was the update she wrote yesterday. She's been updating her friends since the middle of 2022. This was an unusual update not only for its content but brevity.

                                Definitely reach out with a call, if you can't visit. A call can mean a lot more than a text. Might be nice to hear her voice again.

                                  bigshank

                                  There's that fear that yes you know you were friends and meant something to each other but what do you mean to someone when they know they're going to die soon? Do you mean enough to even be thought of when you're in your final moments? I honestly have no idea where I rate in that scenario.

                                      Yipsy There's that fear that yes you know you were friends and meant something to each other but what do you mean to someone when they know they're going to die soon? Do you mean enough to even be thought of when you're in your final moments? I honestly have no idea where I rate in that scenario.

                                      My brother got a diagnosis of only 6 months to live. Just straight forward shocking shit. After going through the Hell that is chemo and anything else they do, he responded nicely....gained weight back, (not hair...he was a Smith!😄) and the next Spring we were off and golfing almost weekly; and his 6 months were up. We were still playing golf at the end of Oct. that year. He passed on just 5 weeks after our last round. We never discussed anything about the cancer or treatments, just the normal bullshit from brothers, when we were together.

                                      His last 3 days were spent in hospice, and I could not get there until that 3rd evening. My wife and I had only been there about 20 minutes when I noticed he was gone.
                                      Waited til I showed up to say goodbye. I'll believe that til the day I die.

                                      Call your friend and just ask how things are going. 'nuff said. She'll dictate the convo from there.
                                      Someone is going to answer the phone, she's never going to be alone.
                                      jmo

                                          Par4QC

                                          Sorry about your brother and I bet you're right. He was waiting for you. Glad you have that memory and had that time before he passed.