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Please fill out the information that follows, provided of course that you're interested. You will be contacted by the Olympic Golf Subcommittee Chairman if you qualify for entrance.
Dear Mr. PA PLAYA,
My name is Gregg Severnson, assistant chairman of the 2016 Golf Olympics. I'm writing you today to notify you that after a lengthy research process and due considerations, in the coming weeks you may be presented with an opportunity to fulfill a lifelong dream of representing your country in the upcoming 2016 Olympic Games.
In recent weeks our committee has been informed of numerous competitors withdrawing from the Golf portion of the August Olympics in Rio, leaving us with very little notice to formulate an alternative plan. As a result, we've been forced to consider alternative measures, up to and including extending invitations to amateur golfers within your continent who maintain a verifiable USGA index of 3 or less. After coordinating with our US Olympic Committee Golf Chairman, it appears that you qualify for Olympic consideration!
Representing one's country is one of the most noble endeavors that one could ever hope to achieve in life, as very few ever attain such a gratifying and lifelong patriotic opportunity. Of course, certain extenuating conditions apply (listed below in the official 2016 Golf Olympics in Rio extenuating qualification questionnaire). But rest assured that thousands of amateur golfers, like yourself, are being contacted presently. The early bird catches the first worm, so chop-chop on filling out the questionnaire and submitting it back to us in a timely fashion!
Good luck, and we hope to see you in Rio in August!
Gregg Severnson, Assistant Chairman of the 2016 Golf Olympics
PLEASE FILL OUT THE FOLLOWING QUESTIONNAIRE AND SUBMIT VIA EMAIL REPLY
1) Do you have the financial means to schedule personal travel accommodations to Rio? Y or N
2) If the answer to question 1) above is Y, do you have permission from your employer (should you be gainfully employed) to be absent from work during the duration of the Olympic games? Y or N
3) What is your shirt size? S, M, L, XL, XXL, XXXL (note if you require a shirt size larger than XXXL, you may be required to wear a polo shirt of your own, providing that it has a collar, and has no holes or stains.)
4) Do you have a verifiable medical condition that requires the use of a motorized cart? Y or N
5) Do you have any medical condition that would preclude you from participating in the 2016 Olympic Golf games?
Y or N
6) How many times throughout your amateur career have you experienced the shanks? note - your answer will not automatically disqualify you from consideration A - never, B - once, C - twice, D - more than three times
7) If you answered B, C, or D in question 6), please list the duration of the shanks here ___________________
8) Do you have an official US Passport in good standing? Y or N
9) If your official US Passport has been revoked, please explain. note - depending on the circumstances of your passport annulment - you may or may not be qualified for consideration to have it reinstated
10) Does your current state of health require potable/purified drinking water? Y or N
11) Are you prone to mosquito bites? Y or N
12) If the answer to question 11) above is Y, do you have access and the means to supply sufficient personal
bug/insect repellant for a 2-week duration? Y or N
13) Is your personal mobile phone equipped with GPS location services? note - you should answer this question truthfully, as there have been known instances of kidnappings within the Rio region, and GPS location would aid local authorities in your eventual rescue Y or N
14) Do you have a medical condition that has weakened your immune system from certain food-borne pathogens such as E-Coli or Listeria? Y or N
15) Do you and your significant other expect to father any offspring within the next 24-36 months? Y or N
Thank you for filling out the Olympic consideration questionnaire. Depending on the results of your questionnaire, you may or may not be contacted by an Olympic Qualification Committee representative within the next week or two.