Jay - My uncle shot himself a little over a year ago, what we thought was out of the clear blue. He'd just started a BBQ sauce business, had found a gf after his ex-wife and he split, and had a 4 day old granddaughter. We all thought he should have been on the top of the world, but he was suffering from depression that he even hid from his gf, and they'd been living together for a couple of years.
The shock was unbelievable to me, as he and I were quite close when I was growing up. I can't fathom what his gf went through (she found him in the cellar coming home from work), or my two cousins. My mother was devastated for weeks, as were the three other sisters. I can't even imagine what you've been through. All I can offer is my condolences, and hopefully you can take some solace in that he's no longer in pain, no longer suffering, and he's watching over you now, as you watched over him his entire life.